This is a draft chapter from The Star-Crossed Codex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thursday I went to the bakery, which is across from the music shop, for a loaf of bread. They also had a peppermint chocolate bar that was calling my name so I bought one of those as well. I went out, turned right, and glanced toward the music store and the door opened. Alana stepped out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJohn, how are you?\u201d She said with a warm smile that wasn\u2019t there the first time we talked.\u00a0 The day we talked, she was friendly and open and we talked about everything just as naturally as if we\u2019d been best friends for years.\u00a0 It was unique for me, and I became smitten despite her lack of overt interest, hoping against hope that her chattiness was something other than her default setting.\u00a0 Our chat seemed to border on flirting in the distant and vague manner of the people of the Aisles, but didn\u2019t really reach a level that gave me confidence of it.\u00a0 To be fair, my own chatter barely ventured beyond friendliness.\u00a0 I\u2019d eventually asked her name very easily as if it were natural to do so, and told her my own, and we\u2019d bid each other good day in a very pleasant manner that made it feel like we both looked forward to crossing paths again soon.\u00a0 But that was a few days ago, and I told myself she\u2019s just a friendly shop girl. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFine,\u201d I said with a smile. \u201cHow are you, Alana? How\u2019s your father?\u201d I crossed the street to stand near her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stood close to me, hands in her pockets, looking cold. \u201cHe\u2019s doing better, thanks.\u201d And then she put her hand on my arm. \u201cWhat are you doing this weekend?\u201d She asked in a hushed tone, a hint of a mischievous smile on her lips. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Surprised at her cheekiness, I assumed she was going to tell me about a musical event in town, since I\u2019d asked her about that the other day. I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to the National Museum of Aviation Saturday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOoh, that sounds fun. What about Sunday?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have no plans Sunday,\u201d I said with a grin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She smiled and said, \u201cDo you want to go for a motorcycle ride?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I grinned wider and after a mere fraction of a second of deliberation, which I forced my overthinking brain to abandon, I said, \u201cYes, I\u2019d love that!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She smiled and I definitely saw a twinkle in her eyes for the first time. With a slight bounce of her knees, she said, \u201cMeet me here at ten Sunday morning, then.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI will! But I\u2019ll warn you, I\u2019ve never ridden before so you\u2019ll have to be gentle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She winked and said, touching my arm again, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I will.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat about your other half,\u201d I asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat about your wife?\u201d She replied. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I smiled broadly, we gazed into each other\u2019s eyes, and I said as I touched her arm, \u201cSee you Sunday, Alana.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I carefully timed my arrival at the shop for a few minutes past ten, just to make her worry a bit. The morning chill still lingered and I was glad I\u2019d brought a scarf. As I rounded the corner, I saw her standing in front of the shop scanning the street, her bike at rest, and I saw two helmets. She looked toward me and smiled. \u201cGood morning, Alana. It\u2019s a beautiful day for a ride.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She nodded and grinned, our eyes meeting in a lingering glance. \u201cI have a helmet for you, Are you ready?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI am! Where are we headed?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, I don\u2019t know yet, I guess we\u2019ll find out when we get there,\u201d she said, and at that moment I fell deeply in love with her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSounds perfect to me.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She handed me a helmet and said, \u201cYou\u2019ll want gloves, and wrap that scarf higher around your neck; the wind can get cold.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With both of our helmets on and ready to go, I watched her mount with a deft dexterity, and I straddled the seat behind her. She turned her head and said, \u201cYou can put your arms around me if you need,\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The idea excited me, but I kept my hands on my knees for the time being. She kicked the motorcycle to life, turned to look for traffic, and gently headed us down the road as I did my best to keep my expectations in check, thinking myself no better than a grown up school boy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We turned onto a country road and traffic was light. As we turned I put my arms around her waist and she accelerated up the hill. The motor droned louder as the road wound and twisted, we leaned into each curve, my grip on her tightening when needed. My unfamiliarity and anxiety over the bike had quickly given way to exhilaration and I felt safe in Alana\u2019s hands. After what felt like hours of this new and delightful experience to me, we reached the top of the hill. We slowed and she reached out her boot to steady us as we come to a stop. She switched off the bike and the world was suddenly dead silent. We took off our helmets and I smiled as I took in the panorama of the Scottish Borders. Then I looked into Alana\u2019s eyes and said, \u201cThis is amazing.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt really is, isn\u2019t it?\u201d She said. A chilling breeze fluttered through her blonde hair and she said, \u201cIt\u2019s colder than I expected.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt is a bit chilly,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stepped toward me and said, \u201cOoh, you\u2019re blocking the wind, thanks.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHere, I\u2019ll warm you up,\u201d I said. Before I knew what I was doing and could let myself overthink things, I slid my arms inside her leather jacket and held her. She didn\u2019t protest, instead wrapping her arms around my waist, head resting on my chest. Wisps of her hair rose before my face in the breeze and my heart pounded. I felt butterflies in my gut. I was afraid to speak for fear of breaking the spell I felt I had cast. She turned and, without breaking my embrace, faced away from me. My hands encircled her belly and she placed hers on mine as we gazed out into the far distance of the Scottish countryside. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She said, \u201cI love coming up here, it\u2019s so peaceful. It\u2019s like my private sanctuary. You said you were running away from home, John. This is where I run away to.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tightened my embrace for a moment. \u201cIt\u2019s a perfect place to run away to. All it needs is a small cabin,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I was thinking too,\u201d she said, turning to face me again. She looked up into my eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I saw in her eyes a new warmth that wasn\u2019t there before, showing me that we have connected. Her smile relaxed, and I sensed that she felt our connection as well. I pondered whether I should take a chance and kiss her, or was it too soon. Suddenly, she decided for me. \u201cTell me about your life, John,\u201d she said in a soft voice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tilted my head, holding her gaze, my smile remaining. I shook my head. \u201cNo, Alana. Perhaps later. Right now, I want to enjoy this moment.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She held me tighter. \u201cYou\u2019re a wise man. I knew that the moment I met you.\u201d She looked up at me and placed her hand on my cheek, and ran her fingers through my hair. My breathing became shallow, my heart raced. I made a small move toward her, and as if that were the very signal she was waiting for, suddenly our mouths are together. Her warm lips sent electric energy through me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As her breath rushed from her nose across my face, our tongues found each others and we kissed with a passion I\u2019d only felt for Lauren. As we slowly broke our kiss, I brushed a strand of hair from her face and smiled. \u201cI\u2019m not getting you in trouble, am I?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She smiled and shook her head. \u201cHe\u2019s not much of a boyfriend, really. Besides, how\u2019s he going to know? And what about you?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gazed into the distance. \u201cShe\u2019ll never know. And I\u2019m divorcing her soon.\u201d She tightened her arms around me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be, Alana, it\u2019s been coming for a long time. Neither of us was unfaithful, and I don\u2019t really feel like I\u2019m- \u201c I stopped myself. \u201cI don\u2019t wand to spoil this moment with technicalities.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked up at me. \u201cI understand.\u201d We kissed again, I felt our bodies energize with each other\u2019s pent-up longing for connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We held hands and walked toward a fallen tree, the only place to sit. Our thighs touching and our hands clasped, we gazed into the distance. \u201cWhat is life all about, John?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I let her question sink in, my eyes following a train far away, then a crow soaring in the near distance. \u201cThis. This is what life\u2019s about, Alana. Moments of joy, shared with others, no regrets. Is there anything better?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She squeezed my hand, and replied with a quiver in her voice. \u201cNo, there really isn\u2019t.\u201d Sensing she may be breaking down, I put my arm around her and pulled her to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen I leave, Alana, we\u2019ll always have this memory. Keep it inside you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want you to leave,\u201d she said. \u201cCan\u2019t you stay?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I squeezed her waist. \u201cI would if I could. I have to weigh the consequences.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She nodded. \u201cI know. I\u2019m just being a silly girl. You have your life, I have mine.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said, \u201cyou\u2019re not being silly. I feel the same way you do.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was just picturing myself meeting your daughters, and being embarrassed because I\u2019m their age. Maybe that\u2019ll be ok. I don\u2019t know. They\u2019ll probably hate me. Or hate you for being with someone their age.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Alana. Don\u2019t overthink it. This is 2026, people do what they\u2019re going to do. Besides, meeting them is a long way off. Or, if I stay here without going back to take care of loose ends, they\u2019ll have to come find me.\u201d I laugh softly. \u201cNot that I don\u2019t want them to find me, of course. I\u2019d love for them to come live here with me, but that\u2019s up to them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201dWhat if they find you living with me?\u201d She said with a soft laugh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, that would be wonderful,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know we only met the other day,\u201d she said, looking at the ground, \u201cbut silly girls think like that, you know. I\u2019m sorry if it\u2019s too much too soon.\u201d She lifted her eyes to mine, furrowing her brow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh Alana, I love how you put your thoughts right out there. You\u2019re not afraid to be vulnerable and let me judge you. But I won\u2019t judge you. I honestly like you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She smiled and released a breath through her nose. \u201cI appreciate hearing that more than if you\u2019d said, \u2018I love you.\u2019 People say, \u2018I love you,\u2019 too freely sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, I know. I absolutely ache to say it to you, Alana, but I know it\u2019s a silly schoolboy thing to say. But I hope one day I will say it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She leaned toward me and rested her head against my shoulder. Our hands remained clasped, resting on our thighs. It was a moment of tenderness I hoped I would carry in my memory till the day I die. I heard her sniff, and thought it was the chill until she sniffed again like a gasp. I noticed her chest heave as if she were about to cry. \u201cAlana,\u201d I whispered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She squeezed my hand harder and a tear rolled down her cheek, meeting my coat and soaking into the wool. \u201cAlana,\u201d I said, as if that were a complete sentence in itself. I placed my free hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead. I kissed the tears that rolled down her face as she silently pleaded to me with her eyes. I kissed her lips and she put both arms around me in a fiercely possessive gesture as we lost ourselves in the heat of passion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As our moment of passion eased, she patted my thigh and took in a deep breath. I watched her, wondering where her mind, her heart, was taking her but she sat quietly gazing into the distance. Though it took a significant amount of willpower, I allowed her to ruminate without interruption. Finally, I joined her in gazing into the distance, feeling the air become warmer, the breeze abating, and blue sky appearing now between clouds. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJohn,\u201d she said, letting the word hang in the air as if she intended to add something to it. Finally she continued, \u201cI don\u2019t know how you do it. I feel like I\u2019ve known you all my life. It\u2019s like you just get<\/em> me. You know how to handle me, and that\u2019s not easy.\u201d She laughed softly, a nervous laughter that betrayed insecurity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m no genius,\u201d I said. Unsure of how to respond to her further, a thought occurred to me. \u201cMaybe I\u2019ve let myself be hurt enough to have learned when to shut up.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n She let my hand go and caressed my thigh. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Was it your wife who hurt you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I nodded, savoring her touch. \u201cBut she did it because I let her. And it wasn\u2019t just her, I never really learned how to be in a relationship. A healthy one, that is. I was making it up as I went along and made a lot of mistakes I didn\u2019t learn from until recently. I suppose it\u2019s better late than never, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI was feeling sorry for myself for being single and thirty,\u201d she said. \u201cSo don\u2019t feel bad, no one taught me anything either.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure anyone\u2019s ever taught that sort of thing. I suppose that\u2019s why relationships are so notoriously bad these days. In the days of arranged marriages it didn\u2019t matter. Find your fun somewhere but come home to your spouse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut you didn\u2019t do that, you said.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo. I got married quickly, because I thought she was the best I could expect to find, and she reminded me a bit of a previous lover who I still had strong feelings for.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh? What happened to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I looked at the ground. \u201cIt was a summer job, I had to leave. Our bosses told us to knock it off and like an idiot I was more loyal to the boss than to the woman I loved. Then, there\u2019s the inconvenient fact that she was married.\u201d Having allowed those words out of my mouth, I was pleased at how smoothly they flowed and didn\u2019t care how Alana reacted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA little like us, eh?,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA lot like us. Only now, I\u2019m older and slightly wiser.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYet, here we are.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I looked into her eyes. \u201cHere we are, indeed. And I wouldn\u2019t want to be anywhere else right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alana giggled. \u201cNor would I, John. I don\u2019t understand a bit of this, but I\u2019m having a really nice time with you. It shouldn\u2019t work. You\u2019re my dad\u2019s age, we\u2019re both spoken for, I don\u2019t know\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNone of that matters, my friend. Well, to others it does; but we\u2019re here on this hilltop and the others aren\u2019t here. We\u2019re sharing something special. Call it whatever you want, I think we both need this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou\u2019ve been so kind and understanding. And you\u2019re the best kisser I\u2019ve ever known,\u201d she said with a laugh that was like sunshine glinting off the surface of a pond. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I shrugged. \u201cYou inspire me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n We continued to sit in silence, simply existing in each other\u2019s aura of warmth, for what felt like a very long time. The urge to fill a silence is usually strong, but neither of us seemed compelled to do so, and it was a magical interlude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIs there anywhere to eat around here?\u201d I eventually asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, down the other side there\u2019s a nice place. Come on!\u201d She jumped up and we stepped toward her bike. She fired it up and we rolled down the hillside together, eventually coming to a stop at a cafe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our lunch and the ride back were quiet, we exchanged few words but our glances spoke for us. We held hands and smiled a lot, and when I left her at the shop I had no idea that it was the last time I would ever see Alana.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is a draft chapter from The Star-Crossed Codex. Thursday I went to the bakery, which is across from the music shop, for a loaf of bread. They also had a peppermint chocolate bar that was calling my name so I bought one of those as well. 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