Another chapter of The Star-Crossed Codex

A sunny day warm enough to sit outside finally arrived.  Rosa sat by the fountain, glancing up at the war memorial tower, the library, then back to her hands nervously wringing each other on her lap.  A group of Academy students flooded by, headed to lunch, teasing each other in a way that reminded Rosa of how she and John used to tease and it put a smile on her face, momentarily calming her hands.  She wanted that back, the light hearted banter and one-upmanship of a secure friendship.  The rushing Gala water behind her in the fountain hissed until it drowned her thoughts and forced her to re-focus on finding John.  With a sigh, she told herself she was sure he was there in town somewhere.  “He’s hiding from me, I just know it,” she thought.  “And I’ll bet Vanessa knows where.”  She suddenly craved a cigarette, something she gave up decades ago.  Two pubs sat across from her, but she’d given up looking for him there.   Rosa’s anxiety began to twist her mind, suggesting that she give up and begin the long journey home, but she resisted.  “I can’t give up now, not when I’ve come this far,” she told herself.  

It was then that she spotted Vanessa coming out of the Italian restaurant, head down and shuffling slowly.  Rosa sat up, and had an epiphany.  Instead of averting her eyes and hiding, she decided to allow Vanessa to discover her, if indeed she had any hunch that she was there, or even who she was.  Rosa wasn’t ever sure any more who knew what.  When Vanessa crossed the street and started walking slowly in her direction Rosa stood, hoping to catch her attention.  The girl didn’t look up until a few yards away from Rosa, who blurted out, “‘Scuse me!”

Vanessa looked up and said, “Oh, sorry,” and avoided the collision she thought was imminent, but Rosa grabbed her arm.  Vanessa looked indignantly down at Rosa’s hand and wrenched herself free, looking at Rosa with fear in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Rosa said with a half-sincere smile.  “You don’t know me, but I know you.  And I know that you’re looking for someone.” She flushed with a combination of relief and anxiety.

Vanessa relaxed, but maintained a guarded look.  “Who are you?” She said softly.

“Rosa,” she said, extending her hand.

Vanessa tentatively took it, with a timid touch.  “Vanessa,” she murmured.

“And you’re John’s daughter.”

She nodded imperceptibly, her brow furrowing

“It’s ok, John’s an old friend of mine.  In fact, I’m here looking for him too.” She smiled briefly, then continued, “The thing is, I’ve about given up on finding him.  I’m almost positive he’s here, but I don’t know where.  I take it you can’t either?”

Vanessa sat on the bench and stared up St John Street.  Rosa stepped aside to allow more Academy students to pass, then sat next to Vanessa.  Slowly turning her head toward Rosa, her voice broke as she said, “No.  And I don’t know what else to do.”

Rosa put her hand on Vanessa’s back and gave it a rub.  “Let’s join forces.  We’ll share what we’ve found out, and together we’ll find him.  What do you say?”

She stiffened slightly at Rosa’s touch, but acquiesced and softly said, “Can I trust you?”

Rosa placed her hands on her lap again and looked at the ground.  “I know it sounds weird, a total stranger, thousands of miles from home, who just happens to be in the same town as you, on the same mission as you.  I’ve spent a year tracking him down.”

“Why are you looking for him,” Vanessa said.

Rosa blushed, feeling foolish for her answer being so simplistic, so schoolgirlish.  “Because he’s the only man who ever truly loved me.” She looked sideways at the girl next to her.  “If you’ve ever been in love, I mean really in love- No, not in love.  If you’ve ever loved someone with all your heart, unconditionally and without inhibition, then you’d understand.”

Vanessa looked forward, studying the stone walls across the street, absently counting jackdaws on the grass.  

“Have you?” Rosa asked.

Vanessa shook her head.

“You will, some day.”

Vanessa shrugged.

“Maybe you’ve read about that kind of love in a great novel or seen it in a movie.”

She shrugged again.

“I know, it sounds lame coming from an old lady.  You have the real reason to find him, he’s your father.  A girl needs a father.”

Vanessa shrugged.

“You’re a great conversationalist,” Rosa said with a nervous laugh, touching Vanessa’s knee.  “I’m just kidding, don’t take it so seriously.  But I mean it, you need him more than I do.  I didn’t have much of a father.  My birth dad left when I was little.  My step-dad was barely there, and was a creep when he was.  My mom divorced him.  I had terrible role models growing up.  It messed me up, to tell you the truth.  Your dad was the first man I knew who made me feel like I could be a better person.  Know what I mean?”

Vanessa turned her head toward Rosa and gave her a serious look, and softly said, “Yeah.”

“Did he make you feel that way too?  If he did, I’m jealous.  I loved my mom, but if I’d had a dad that made me feel that way…” She looked off into the distance, then shrugged.  “I guess my life would have been very different.  Maybe I would have married John.”

Vanessa recoiled.  

“I know, I know,” Rosa said, smiling, using her hand to calm Vanessa.  “Weird thought.  Sorry.  I’m sure you love your mom and couldn’t imaging anyone else taking her place.  I get it.”

Letting the sun warm her forehead, Vanessa allowed her self a moment to lose herself in thought, the bittersweet thoughts of her own mother tangling around her mind.  

“What’s your mom’s name?” Rosa asked.

“Her name’s Rosa as well.”

“Oh really?” She said with a surprised smile.  “I guess it’s a common enough name.  But what are the odds?  When did he marry her, if I may ask?”

“Like, ninety-four I think?”

Rosa’s face clouded.  “Nineteen ninety-four,” she said slowly, thinking of that as the year she divorced Mark, and how she’d missed John by a thin margin.  A look of sadness came upon her face.

“Is something wrong?” Vanessa asked.

“No, no.  I was just reminiscing.”  Revealing the sordid details of her relationship with John was the last thing she wanted to do, if she wanted to win the girl’s confidence.  Strategic honesty, she’d learned to call it.

“Wh- when did you know my dad?”

“In nineteen eighty-eight.  I’m sure that was way before he met Ro- his other Rosa.  His second Rosa.” 

“You think he truly loved you?”

Rosa nodded.  “And I’m sure he truly loved your mom, too.”

“I don’t know, sometimes it didn’t feel that way.  They were, I don’t know, not close.  She was mean to him sometimes and I hated that.  I think he tolerated it for my sake.  And then he had enough and left us both.” 

“Well, that’s all the more reason for you to find him.” Inside, Rosa had a surge of enthusiasm, believing perhaps her long lost love may finally graduate from limerence to reality.  Surely he would remember her from all those years back, surely he would recall their special bond, forged in secrecy behind her husband’s back, nurtured after work in the solitude of the office they shared.

“He’s technically still married to my mom, just so you know,” she said.  “At least I think so, she never said they were divorced.”

Rosa nodded.  “Where is your mom, back home?”

“No.  She moved to Nicaragua to live with her mother.  I’m living with my sister for now.”

“Ah. I’m sorry.  You must feel doubly-abandoned.  That has to be tough.”

“I’m ok.”

Rosa regarded the girl sitting next to her, in a foreign land, on a quest, and concluded that the gumption and initiative that got her to this place did indeed prove that she was doing ok.

“Well?” she said to the girl.  “Do you want to join forces to find your dad?  Or am I still a crazy old psycho lady to you?”

Vanessa looked at the ground and gave a slight smile.

“Is that a yes?”

She thought about her dwindling bank account, and having found nothing so far, turned to Rosa and nodded.

“That’s the spirit!  Why don’t we go somewhere quiet where we can sit down and compare notes?  Maybe that pub over there,” she pointed with her chin.

Vanessa nodded, and after Rosa stood and offered her hand, she stood and they walked to The Salmon Inn.